Fire-N-Ice

I'm fat. I am tired of the terms used to make it sound more attractive. I am not pleasantly plump, fluffy, curvaceous, vertically challenged, full- figured, or any other adjective that society has come up with. Yes I am this way partly because of my own bad habits but also because my body doesn't work right. I am in the process of changing my habits and becoming more active, at least as much as my aching knees will let me. I want to be around for a long time, I want to be a good example for my children. I want to live the kind of life I always imagined. I want to let the skinny girl inside me out to have her turn at having some fun! Why is she writing such depressing stuff, you may be asking yourself...well I started out with this because I am excited to be moving into a new phase in my life. I have decided to go forward with weight loss surgery! I am hoping to have my surgery in the fall. I have decided on the VSG or Gastric Sleeve. I have spent over a year researching things...

I had a strange yet beautiful dream last night. In my dream there was an artist but I couldn't see them. There was a large piece of glass...the edges were perfect, maybe a few blemishes here and there but for the most part intact. The internal part of the glass was completely and perfectly shattered. You know how glass just spiders and cracks every which way. It creates the most abstract patterns. Well the artist took drops of colors, bold and bright colors, and dropped them in various places on the cracks. Then all of a sudden the glass starts to spin...slowly at first then faster and faster but then just as suddenly it stops. The result is this breathtaking panorama of colors. They have mixed and melded into new shades and some have stayed the same shade but they all blend and work in perfect harmony. Now I don't know if this kind of artwork is out there somewhere or if it can even be done....the paint traveled through the cracks in the glass, driven by gravity but the result...

I grew up listening to Neil Diamond music and I just love this song. I think the lyrics are very appropriate for what is to come in our lives very soon.  We just found out that Tom is being transferred to Virginia. He will be on the USS Cole and will be going out to sea on a regular basis. In fact there is a possibility he will have to leave within a few days/weeks of us arriving in November. So not only will we be living in a state that neither of us have ever visited....we will not have any family or friends when we get there and I will possibly be alone with my children for the holidays. To say I am not a little nervous or scared would be a lie but I believe the years I spent as a single mother helped prepare me for this. That's the funny thing about God and his plans...when you are going through something you can't understand why He would ever make you go through such difficulties, heartache, etc but had it not been for those years I wouldn't have been prepared for what...